busyyyy days.

wow, it's been awhile since I've been here... been really busy these past few weeks. Clubs to manage, studying, rotc, Yeuppp I am officially a super stressed suffer-more. I've also been gaining a lot. -.- thanksgving just passed, so much foood! But I wanna get back in shape, so I gotta get back on the Wii or go jogging or something.. I can't afford another weight gain after what's been a year so far. Irr. My sis is still here on island.... she will be staying here for two years if some one hires her. I like having her around because I miss sister bonding, but sometimes she goes too far and I lose my cool real quick. I wish my other sis was here, too. It'll never be Christmas for me if she's not around :(and oh well, it's a Sunday and I think my thanksgiving break is officially the end. Hello Monday and geometry test! -____-

hmmm.

It's a breezy Saturday morning, and I'm sitting here in my mom's car, blasting out Lupe Fiasco's The Show Goes On. My sister is back home for a visit until Monday, before she takes off to New Jersey. I'm glad she's back, it's nice to have that feeling of a sibling at home, it's not so lonesome anymore. Anyways, lots of things went down these past few weeks. I don't know, but it really got me thinking about some things.. sigh. Life is such a complication! =/

(:

We're talking now! Well more like texting, but that works right? We've been texting the whole week, Eeek! And he's the one initiating them! :D It feels nice to be texting him, but I wish it would be that easy when we talk..=/ hopefully I can see him, smile, and say hi- instead of freezing and not saying anything. Sigh*I miss him. I can tell him that a million times and I still would long for his hugs and our late night conversations. Where will we end up? I don't know. "Only time will tell"

Oh guess who just got inducted to NHS and is failing Geometry!? This girl! :)

happy

Guess who got accepted into the National Honor Society??? This girl! Yes, I was so stoked when I got my letter! I literally jumped for joy:P I can't wait for induction next Saturday! I gotta look for my outfit. I wonder what I will do to my hair? Hmm. Oh yeah today we had an ROTC cleanup at the cemetery. After, my friend and I walked to KFC. Apparently, we got a bucket of chicken... shit I spent my cash and now I regret it bcuz we didn't even finish the shit! Mathafuckaaaa! Ugh! And I have a feeling NHS is gonna make me broke :O &&& dammit! I have induction rehearsals the whole week! -.- I wonder how geometry is gonna go "/ i'm freakishly freaking out. I hope things will go well.. anyways, what else? Oh were talking now :) we had our first phone call that lasted for 23 seconds. Yuck i sound so ew. Lmao. That's actually the first ever convo we had... lol oh wells. I

:)

Okay so I don't exactly know how this all happened, but were talking now :) I like how he tries to find some effort in talking to me. It's like he still cares... which I hope he still does. I don't know where we are going, because I can't even imagine how we can further our relationship when were in two whole different worlds right now. I guess where we are now is fine with me. As long as we can talk like how we used and be in the same class without any awkwardness, then I guess i'm okay with that. I just miss him... I really do. I miss smiling and laughing at my phone like an idiot, and going to sleep with something to think about. It's distracting but in a good way. :) hehe. Sigh* I guess only time will tell... I guess it's worth the wait

letting go

giving up on someone doesn't mean you're weak, it means you're strong enough to finally let go. Why should I continue sitting here, waiting for something to happen? When obviously, shit ain't even gonna happen. Where we are now is probably the only phase we'll ever go through... I feel like I'm trying too hard, I put myself out there, but nothing. I'm tired of waiting... I really am. Its like i'm trying so hard for ..nothing. if he wants to fix things, he could take the initiative and do it first. All I know is that im gonna stop trying... for now anyway

hi there :)

Whoah turbo! Third week of school and everythings just so fking hectic! Geometry is a bitch! I seriously hate it! And like we hve to present our hw?! Wtf is up with the math department???? Hve they gone bonkers? Anyways moving on.. Rotc is going just great! thats honestly my fav class:) i'm a supply sgt! Thnk god the job's not as stressful! Anywho, im applying to NHS, and im just praying that I get into it..if not, then okay. I'm moving anyway. Hmmm, i have so many distractions now...and shit to worry about.. gosh I need a chill pill forreal!

hoooah

First week of school, not so bad. I'll rate it an 8.7. My arms are throbbing from PT, but other than that, it went pretty well. Oh and I finally talked to him,not really how I wanted it to go but i'm glad we got things out... It feels different though..there's like this cumbersome feeling to our convo. I guess we kinda distant out abit. I didn't tell him about how I feel though. I feel likes he's still protecting his heart and I understand that.. I guess I'm just not ready to let my guard down, well atleast at the moment...only time will tell, i'll leave everything as it is. Atleast were in okay terms :)

first day of school

School started yesterday, and it went great! Feels so good to be reunited with all my friends! Missed them! I love my classes =) JROTC is cool, I really need to gain that leadership lol. English pre AP is cool, as well. My teacher is just too hilarious! Geometry? Hmm, not so bad as I thought. I hope I can endure that class though, w/out stressing out. And last but not least, US History... honestly I had my doubts, but the teacher is fcking awesome too! Guy is just crazy... Haha anyways, I really hope the upcoming days go well and smooth.. i'm putting everything that makes me I just have too much unfinished bizz to deal with.. seriously
oh well, chow it!
Challengeconsumeconquer

Reason

They say that the hardest part of saying "Everything happens for a reason" is waiting for that reason to come along. I think I finally found my reason. I don't know if it's exactly legit but it makes sense to me. The hardest part of this reason is - believing it. It all still seems surreal to me but I'm trying my very best to accept it. I mean I respect it whole-heartedly, but grasping the intent of this situation? That's currently in progress. I'm still trying to understand everything. It will take some time, but I know I can get through this. I just know. I may stumble through this journey of acceptance, and that's okay. I know it'll make me a stronger person, and in the end, I can learn from them. Like Winston Churchill once said, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal- but it is the courage to continue that counts."

Sophomore year

School is just a few days away. Nervous? More like anticipated! I'm actually looking forward to my classes, especially ROTC. Surprising isn't it? I also cannot wait to see the gang, I miss them! I'm just hoping and praying that this school year goes smooth. I have to deal with stress one way or another though, it's okay- I'm ready to embrace whatever comes my way. :) Anxious but psyched! Sophomore year please don't let me down! * Schedule: JROTC English Prehonors Geometry US History

stupid lovve

I don't understand how youngins fall in love during highschool... I mean, how can you focus on your academics, when you'd be thinking of him/her all day.. I wouldn't even be able to keep up with that. I've experienced that shit once, and trust me it did not go so well. Love makes you stupid man. So until you are done with school, might as well wait and fall in love at the right time... right now, my only priority is my education, no dipshit can take that away from me.. i'll keep it that way till im ready. I may sound selfish but hey, im just using some common sense here. Love makes you stupid, so don't fall in love during highschool coz your grades will look stupid too. Just saying

?

So its weird how I'm still trying to find out the answers. I haven't given up yet.. I guess now just isn't the right moment. Days are going by so fast, pretty soon classes will resume and my life as a stressed out nerd will soon explode. Sigh. Life is unfair. You don't always get it your way and even if I could, I would hate it. The thought about having the world revolve around me is pure vanity. Its disgusting. We need less perverts in this world and more benevolence from today's society. Seems impossible though; looks like earth's human population is only rising with heartless, hostile, egotistical dyke's. Sigh.

Just a dream

I keep having these dreams... every night. And it's weird, really. I can't understand what it's trying to tell me... its too ambiguous to find out just yet. Or maybe, I'm just not ready for the answer? I don't know. All I know is that it makes me miserable just thinking about it. Oh, screw everything!

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Inevitably inevitable

It sucks, doesn't it? When you try to avoid something, but then you only end up wanting it even more? Just like when you want to avoid someone so bad, but then realize you can't get them off your mind because they once meant a lot to you? I hate that feeling, I get that every moment, every day. Now that school is near, I totally gotta step up my game. No more pretending I'm okay, when I'm not, no more being that kind girl who only gets used. Never again will I be an imbecile. Never. Fuck with me, and i'll fuck you right back. I am not going to tolerate bullshit from no one. That's just not going to happen.

reveries

Finally did my workout sess on the wii a few minutes ago. Yeup, 6-7 songs - dancing my ass off; then doing sets of lifting weights. After two days without sweating due to my eyes, I finally feel like my usual self. Thank God! Still adjusting to my lenses though... they are hella strong!! My eyes totally got worst after two years with out seeing the optometrist. Anyways, this morning when I was reading the newspaper, Saipan Tribune of course, I saw this ad about fair prices to the West coast! Holy fricken shizzles!! Guess how much it is to fly to Hawaii?????? 900 bucks! Can you believe that shizzno?! I can't! I so want to go, but sadly I can't :-( I would man, I would do anything to get away from this fucking island...even if its just for a couple of weeks before school starts. Can a miracle just happen already? Sheesh. I want to travel this world already, but unfortunately I'm still in highschool. That bites. I can't wait till I'm finally 18, independent- college life, traveling, meeting new people, clubbing, paying bills, falling in love..eh, finding a part time job while studying at Chaminade University... oh, JOY! God, I am so excited right now. But I still need three more effing years-__- can I just fast forward to the future already? SMH. I wish it was that easy. But like the saying goes, "If you want something, go get it. If you have to wait, then be patient, because good things come to people who wait." So, that concludes this post, I guess i'll be waiting...
-lovealohana

Dwelling.

School supply shopping, picking an outfit to wear, yup its that time of year where you wish summer was longer... I mean, give me a few more months, then I'll be ready. Lol! No but really, just thinking about school makes me wanna barf. Ew, who wants to go back to writing 4 page essays?? NOT ME. Fuck no. Not to mention Geometry...and hell, Biology?? Oh fuck me now. -____- Sophomore year is going to be the biggest bitch ever... I'll be taking most of required classes and hopefully joining more clubs. I'm still debating if I should move for good. I mean I want to get out of this shithole island but man, just thinking about leaving home, especially my momma puts a huge hole in my chest. But I need to be strong. I need to prove those who have underestimated me that I can do things even myself couldn't imagine doing. I feel that if I stay here in Saipan, and continue my studies here, i'll never learn what's independence. I'll never get to experience the other side of the world, the people and culture. I may not like it, but i'll learn to respect it. I just hope I make the right choice with whatever I decide to do. I mean, everything happens for a reason, right?

Sigh, I truly need more time to figure things out. I know what I want, I guess I'm just scared to pursue them.

Liberation Day!

Happy July 4th everyone :) its raining here in the islands though. The parade isn't gonna go so well. Weather is gloomy. Anyways, hope you guys enjoy this Independence day!

SummerBummer

My summer sucks. a lot worse than last years. i hate this island. i so can't wait to move to Boise next year. shopping shopping shopping! oh yeah. and probably even road-trip to cali with my bro. totally excited, but it's still a long time before next summer comes...I just can't wait for this summer to end. sigh. so much has been on my mind lately. lots of little inessentials that i think about more than i should. it's stressing me out. :( i wish, i just wish...
to be continued.

goodbye freshmen year, hello summer!

Time went by so damn fast... sigh.
& I suddenly miss everyone... Summer 11 don't bore me please!

summer lovinggggg.

In just a few days, summer will begin. Ahhhhhhhh.
I'm just glad I don't have to deal with anymore bullshit! ROOT!
I'm going to miss everyone though... sucks for me- I can't fucking go out with my friends anymore. Its gonna be hard to earn my mom's trust back, after what I did. Shit. Summer 11' you are officially ruined!
so much for thinking about vacaying in boise. I'll wait for next years summer..hopefully t's not a bummer like this year.
Oh well. I need a break anyway....from everything and everyone...
let's contemplate together? Haha